Prison and waters

Lately I find it difficult to pay attention to the world.

It’s like I’m sinking in the waters of my life, deeper and deeper until I’m chocked. Everything is a haze of blinding blue. The slow muffled gurgling of water is like bleeding to a slow painless death. And I try, I try to reach the surface but my arms slice through the waters like drawing a knife through butter. 

It’s like I’m locked up in a room of my heart. I shout and pound at the door. But I can’t find ears nor it just won’t give in so I retreat into the shadows of my past. Plunged into darkness coupled with nightmares, I feel my breaths betraying me. I scan the dust to find a key. But all that I find is a tapestry of cobwebs, lining my walls, trapping me in, like bars of red hot iron.

Oh what wouldn’t I give to see the world. To see and not just glimpse. The beauty, grace, wonders and dreams fade when compared to my ills. What wouldn’t I give, did I say that? Well, there’s something I wouldn’t give. When I don’t even desire to flee this prison and waters, how can I give anything?